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5 Tenets to Protect Yourself in Love

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The Sexuality Contract is a contract that you make, with yourself, to define a set of boundaries or values that can help you keep from making the same mistakes again and again. But, you have to decide to love your self enough to take things slowly. It really is true: the best things are worth waiting for. And, with luck and a commitment to your self, you may find that the one that you're waiting for is willing to wait, and is also waiting for you.

If you have already determined that you're waiting until you get married (which has a lot to be said for it, but you can read about that on almost any Christian web site), it might serve you to have a "game plan" to define your own expectations and limits for if, or when, you might choose to take a relationship to the next level.

I would prefer it if I could not be a bit sexist here, but it may not exactly come as a surprise to you that, for most people, men are naturally inclined than women to be in more of a hurry to take any relationship to "the next level" in terms of sexuality. After all, our (American) society calls promiscuous men "studs" and promiscuous women "sluts." That is not to say that there are not men out there in the dating market who are less likely than your typical (if there really is such as thing) woman to become emotionally involved when sex is involved, but it's the exception, not the rule.

Don't get me wrong: I believe that there are consequences to becoming sexually involved, not just the risks of exposure to STDs or pregnancy. I believe that, no matter what our avowed beliefs are, we become attached to those that we sleep with. While men may tell themselves that they don't feel as attached, multiple partners aren't necessarily a good idea for them, any more than they are for women. And, while there are women who have no problem with being involved with multiple partners, the general rule is that we (since I am one of them!) want more from a man than just sex and that, rightly or wrongly, we tell ourselves that having sex means more to us.

For some women, the apparent need to find a "good man" and to "seal the deal" by entering a sexual relationship can seem almost predatory. Women can benefit from a sexuality contract to protect them from themselves; gentle men can benefit from a contract, as well, if for no other reason than to protect themselves from those women.

So, I invite you to read about the tenets of the Sexuality Contract and to also consider reading some of the books recommended here (I love the library: the books are free and you don't have to store them indefinitely) and consider some of the advice that I offer as you go forward inyour search for a healthy and lasting love.

For your convenience, the elements of this contract are available in a (free) PDF download so that it's easy for you to remember your contract and, possibly, to share these tenets with your friends and, when you are ready, with your partner.

Sexuality Contract
Darbie Marlin

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Make a Contract with Your Self!