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Five Rules to Protect Your Heart (and more)

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The Sexuality Contract is the brain child of Tess Taft (MSW). She developed the four basic precepts of the contract as a way to help people s-l-o-w down their rush into sexual activity, especially since, most of the time, that rush does not serve them well.

You can view this (voluntary) contract as very restricting. But we need boundaries. Boundaries keep us from expending our energies all over the place, dissipating our energy in a fruitless search. Boundaries also provide safety from predators. Boundaries provide framework within which we can learn to become adult in our communication and to select healthy choices.

What separates human beings from animals? We have the ability to make choices, to discern what is healthy, what is wise. What separates adults from children? Adults have the will to follow through on healthy choices.

We can stand around and stamp our feet as we deny the natural consequences of those choices (cause-cause-cause). We can cry and moan, "It's not my fault! It's not fair!"When you place your hand in the fire, you're going to get burned: that's cause-and-effect. To move from being a child to becoming an adult, we need to accept that what we do effects us. We, alone, can make the choice to settle for so-called "free love" or to decide that we will accept nothing less than real commitment and love.

If what you have been doing hasn't been working for you, maybe it's time to try something different. Stop the insanity of making unhealthy choices over and over. Make a contract with yourself to help you develop the strength, the discernment, the will to make healthy choices and hold out for what you really want.

Sexuality Contract
Darbie Marlin

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